After Christmas

My dog still in my mind, last night for the first time I dreamt about her, she still looking good, wants me to pamper, hope she is okay in heaven.


Nothing special during Christmas, busy as usual. But this year we had a good party in the office, I wish my doggie boo is here, this is first time I had my Christmas without her.


Making and giving out more handmade Christmas card on behalf of my dog, more to come…..


Oh yes, fairuz came all the way from JB and gave me 2 DVD as a Christmas present, very thoughtful of him, missing the nice time we used to have too.

Goodbye

My dog made a choice before us, she decides to go quietly.

This morning when I found her sleep quietly outside of the toilet, I know something not right, and I am right, she just passed away early in the morning because her body still soft.

I never expect to see all this myself, I told her I don’t want to see her dying, but she wants me to witness this moment, she wants me to do the last thing for her as she knows I will do it well for her.

Those who know me quite well will understand my dog is almost a daughter to me, I scolded her when she was naughty, I pampered her when she was in fear, I spoiled her with all the junks when she is such a darling.


However, I really doing not much for her lately after I move back to Penang, and started my busy life here.

She knows my love is slowly dragging away by my busy routine, she started to feel that I no longer by her side all the time, and it reach to a point that sometime she is angry with me, so she doesn’t even want to see me.

Losing her is a big lost to me, though this really knock my head that is this the life I want? I really doing nothing much when she was ill, beside no way to squeeze my time for her, I am too tired to handle her needs after my headache daily routine at work.

I am here to beg for her forgiveness, and I want her to know she is always my darling.

I bought some flower for her when I came back from work, hope that she is leaving in peace, may God bless that she is happily ever after in heaven.

Dying

Apparently, my dog has cancer. But none of the veterinary surgeons that I seek help can diagnosis properly, there were 4 of them, they are even graduated in Australia or perhaps being a vet for more than 30 years, but none of this f*cking vet can tell me, actually my dog having Canine Lymphoma.

Guess what, I figure it out from Google searched.

I got the information from dogcancer.net, it said The lymph system is the body's "other" circulatory system, circulating white blood cells and most importantly, lymphocytes. These are specialized cells involved in immune function found throughout the body. In normal healthy dogs, these cells are manufactured in the bone marrow, go through a life span of around 30 days, and then die off and are re-absorbed into the body or eliminated through the waste channels. In Lymphoma, the regulation of production is lost and these cells proliferate in large number, or they lose their programmed life cycle and continue to live on, overwhelming the other blood cells. High white blood cell count and swollen lymph glands are the characteristic signs of this disease, followed by lethargy, loss of appetite and leading eventually to death unless treated.

However, one of the vets did blood test for my dog, and figured out my dog having a high amount of white blood cells, and he told me my dog could be only having general infection.

the fact that I angry the most is these 4 idiots is the one who kill my dog, because canine lymphoma is very common among dog, but how could this people can’t even notice the real sickness, beside telling me my dog having fault pregnancy, insects bite, hormone imbalance and general infection.

This is what I got from marvistavet.com, it said The “typical” canine lymphoma patient is a middle aged dog presented to the veterinarian because one or more lumps have been found. The veterinarian rapidly determines that all of the peripheral lymph nodes (those near the skin surface) are enlarged and firm. Usually the dog has not been showing any signs of illness. The next step is a blood panel and urinalysis to more completely assess the patient’s health and one or more lymph nodes are aspirated or biopsied to confirm the diagnosis of lymphoma.

Now too late for my dog, her condition getting from bad to worse, thanks to the wrong medicine given by the vets. Now there is nothing I can do, decision have to be made in order to release her from suffering, I have to let her go.

Although according to dogcancer.net, my dog can be cure, but treatment success depends on many factors, such as the dog's age, his or her diet, their medical history, where the cancer is located and how extensive it is and what major systems are involved. Generally speaking, the earlier lymphoma is diagnosed, the better the outcome will be. Since most lymphoma occurs in younger dogs, when it is diagnosed early, immune modulation usually assures that the dog has the greatest possible chance of remission, and the best chance that the cancer does not recur.

I sent my dog to the first vet when she only having reddish eyes problem, this is the first symptom of Canine Lymphoma, but after false treatment from one to another, then my dog got her swollen glands, lost appetite and breathing heavily.

Watching my dog suffering is the most heart breaking thing to do.

Arrrrhhhh......

Birthday

Nothing much to do beside worry of my dog, she is dying. Everybody who saw her will tell me this.

I can see her struggling with pain, but I just not ready to let go.

Should I let her go, should I give up so easily? After more than 3 months of trying, no improvement can be seen, she is still suffering, I am still helpless.

Anyway, about my birthday, nothing special after all is already my 32nd, have some good dinner and wine, received some thoughtful sms and e-card, went to shop a present for myself, wishing all the best for my dog.

Oh yes, my birthday is also the human right day, that’s why I am a democratic person, LOL, but wanted to be democratic or can be democratic is the totally different story, at least my company not so keen when its include profit margin consideration.

That’s life I suppose, we can just sing along.

Almost forget, my colleagues thrown me surprise party, I mean simple one, cake and song, but after few parties been done this months, lots of December boys and girls in the office, the surprise is expected, hahahaha.

However, they are sweet, thanks a lot.

bad

There is no absolute democracy in an organization even in a country.

2 days in a row I had listened to the same argument from 2 prominent leaders, they may have their stand, and I do agree to a certain extent, but not totally.

Yes, in term of better discipline and well organize; monism is the best way to force everything work as you think, but this will cause an organization and a country functioning like a body without a soul. No creativity or innovation.

I always believe working with people with an open heart; will have better performance in term of productivity and creativity. We can’t expect everybody to agree with your point of view, but at least we are able to open ourselves to alternative view.

However, I totally surrender to the 2 person when he talked about company interest is what we should obey; I can’t help but wonder, is there anyone who do business without taking into cosideration the profit margin? Obviously the answer is quite clear.

So I give up of fighting, and do agree with him, if you don’t like it, just leave. Perhaps this is the best solution.

About my dog, after 4 veterinary surgeons almost killed her, she cannot eat any food may cause by no appetizer, or the worse may be she wants to kill herself. So I have to feed her with organic soya milk added with glucose.

This morning my tear almost burst out when she refused to eat anything, I really don’t know what to do; there is no one to trust anymore.